www.WrensJournal.blogspot.com

Each afternoon I watched her coming back
through the hot stony field after swimming,
the sea light behind her and the huge sky
on the other side of that. Listened to her
while we ate lunch. How can they say
the marriage failed? Like the people who
came back from Provence (when it was Provence)
and said it was pretty but the food was greasy.

I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,
but just coming to the end of his triumph.

"Failing and Flying" by Jack Gilbert, from Refusing Heaven. Alfred A. Knopf, 2005 .

Within just a few days in November, 1979: my dad died from cancer far too young, he denied the fact he was dying until his final breath; Fr. Dave Wilson at Christ Episcopal Church who had confirmed me, baptized my children and was my spiritual adviser moved from Denver; and a therapist I'd seen once a week or more for over 3 years left town.

The only one to offer final advice was the therapist: "Count it all as victory."

Easier said than done. Especially for Icarus when the wax melted when he flew too close to the sun, the gods punishment for being prideful.

Ten years later Janet and I separated and finally divorced.

We'd married when we were just 20, me an immature 20 year old boy more concerned with sports than school, dreaming of playing pro football and then coaching.

Today is the birthday of Samuel Pepys, born in London (1633), who on New Year's Day 350 years ago — in 1660 — made a resolution to keep a diary, which I read in an English Literature class after I was married and finishing a BA at the University of Denver. Until then I'd planned on being an English teacher and high-school coach if the pro-football dream didn't work out.

Now I sit each morning and watch the sky brighten the mountains and Invesco Field to the west of my apartment. It's hard to not wonder what might have been. It would be better I'm sure to count it all as victory, but some mornings that is very hard to do.

Would Pepys be a blogger today? I doubt it. He wrote in code.

"We come to not regret the past nor wish to close the door on it. We see where our experience can be capitalized to help other people." That's the dream now.